Posted in Dan Pochoda, dog blog, golden+retriever

Suicide Watch

All4dogsI’m on Suicide Watch. Which means I have to wear a leash.

This morning Mommis took all four of us (yes, we have Blu for another day) to the park with the reservoir and the ducks. I only sometimes try to swim there, because I’m on my electronic collar and it gives me a big vibration if I get too far from Mommis.

But this morning was the day after Easter, and the park was full of buffet items — leftover candy, cookies, and hard-boiled eggs from yesterday’s Easter celebration. It was a wonderful feast, and I had no inclination to listen to Mommis when she called for me. At least not until I had finished sampling every garbage can in the park and the stuff on the ground surrounding them.

Mommis was having trouble with Bruce, too. He wouldn’t come either. She thought he was on a sugar high from all the trash.

But actually, that was me. Blu always jumps in the reservoir, so when he jumped in I didn’t pay any attention. But then a couple of ducks came up on land, and Brucie started chasing them. I know he doesn’t swim, he’s very little, and he wasn’t going to catch them, but I thought I could. I went in after Blu. We were both trying to help Brucie, who stood on the shore.

Mommis, who’s a little hysterical, went nuts. But not about me. She was terrified she was going to lose Blu, who is Uncle Dan’s dog, and an only dog. She didn’t want to be responsible for losing him on her watch. He’s not exactly a puppy. Well, he’s my age. And Sammy was hysterical, on the verge of jumping in himself, although he doesn’t swim either. But he’s as hysterical as Mommis, which I think is why she likes him.

She looked hilarious running around the lake yelling “Blu, Blu” while I chased the ducks. I just paid no attention to her, especially after I realized I had already shorted out my electronic collar.

The park men were all around now calling me and Blu and saying we should be on leashes. But they didn’t look like they were going to jump in after us, so I didn’t see any leashes forthcoming.

Blu, however, must have gotten tired, because he abandoned me, came out of the water, and went to Mommis. Then she and Carol (mother of Jackson Dog) left to take all the other dogs to the car. I thought to myself “thank God she’s quit yelling and making a fool of herself.” But no, she left my brothers and Blu in the car with Carol and came right back, only now she was yelling “Buppy.” It was my moment of glory, as I pretended not to hear her and focused on the ducks as about six other women started calling my name from the shore. One woman called her vet to ask what to do. Another one called the Humane Society. Mommis would not have wanted her to do that; they could take me away and put me in foster care.

Mommis logged about 7500 steps — nearly three miles — just running around the lake yelling Buppy. I felt so popular and so wanted. But I realized we had already been at the park for two hours, so I decided to do her a favor and come out. Of course she must have thought I’d drown, because she had borrowed some treats from another person and immediately rewarded me for coming out with a treat.

Everyone thought I’d be exhausted, and sleep all day. I’m not, but looking at Mommis closely, I think she is. And how come she didn’t take us for a bath????? I smell. I hope that’s coming tomorrow.


Posted in dog blog, golden retriever

Happy Birthday to Me

Last week was my birthday. I don’t know how old I am, but I sure am getting grey. ┬áMommis got me when she had her hip replaced at the end of 2006, and they thought I was about a year and a half then. So it’s 7 and a half years. So I might be nine.

A few weeks ago, I caught a duck in my mouth. It was trying to get to the reservoir from dry land. It practically flew into my mouth; I swear I didn’t really try to catch it. I think it was a stupid duck and deserved its fate, but Mommis made me drop it, and it wandered off and flew away.

Then I saw some very special ducks in the reservoir a few days later, and I couldn’t help myself; I swam right after ┬áthem. I would have kept swimming, because I was really happy in the water, but it was my day to have the electronic collar on me, so she pinged me. I hate that vibrator, so I came out.

I always feel so re-energized after I swim, even if it’s only in the irrigation. We got that on Tuesday and it was lots of fun. I especially like playing in the water and then coming in to wrestle with my younger brothers on the living room couch. I also still like carrying the toilet paper out of the bathroom into the back yard in one big stream.

I need some candid opinions here. Mommis gave me my Easter cut this week, and I am not sure it’s really “me.”photo 1 I see myself as more fluffy, with a little more substance. What do you think?

I think I’m cuter than this haircut.

But I guess it’s cool. Summer’s coming and we don’t go to the beach anymore. I still don’t know what happened, or where Paunnie went. We have Sammy and Bruce now, but Sammy’s on suicide watch (leash) because he jumped out of Mommis’s convertible this morning at 24th Street and Lincoln Drive in the rush hour. Just went right over the side like he usually does at the park. Only we weren’t at the park.

Mommis clicked him in the electronic collar and he came right back in, but now we’re going to take him to therapy.

What’s therapy?