Posted in Dan Pochoda, dog blog, golden+retriever

Suicide Watch

All4dogsI’m on Suicide Watch. Which means I have to wear a leash.

This morning Mommis took all four of us (yes, we have Blu for another day) to the park with the reservoir and the ducks. I only sometimes try to swim there, because I’m on my electronic collar and it gives me a big vibration if I get too far from Mommis.

But this morning was the day after Easter, and the park was full of buffet items — leftover candy, cookies, and hard-boiled eggs from yesterday’s Easter celebration. It was a wonderful feast, and I had no inclination to listen to Mommis when she called for me. At least not until I had finished sampling every garbage can in the park and the stuff on the ground surrounding them.

Mommis was having trouble with Bruce, too. He wouldn’t come either. She thought he was on a sugar high from all the trash.

But actually, that was me. Blu always jumps in the reservoir, so when he jumped in I didn’t pay any attention. But then a couple of ducks came up on land, and Brucie started chasing them. I know he doesn’t swim, he’s very little, and he wasn’t going to catch them, but I thought I could. I went in after Blu. We were both trying to help Brucie, who stood on the shore.

Mommis, who’s a little hysterical, went nuts. But not about me. She was terrified she was going to lose Blu, who is Uncle Dan’s dog, and an only dog. She didn’t want to be responsible for losing him on her watch. He’s not exactly a puppy. Well, he’s my age. And Sammy was hysterical, on the verge of jumping in himself, although he doesn’t swim either. But he’s as hysterical as Mommis, which I think is why she likes him.

She looked hilarious running around the lake yelling “Blu, Blu” while I chased the ducks. I just paid no attention to her, especially after I realized I had already shorted out my electronic collar.

The park men were all around now calling me and Blu and saying we should be on leashes. But they didn’t look like they were going to jump in after us, so I didn’t see any leashes forthcoming.

Blu, however, must have gotten tired, because he abandoned me, came out of the water, and went to Mommis. Then she and Carol (mother of Jackson Dog) left to take all the other dogs to the car. I thought to myself “thank God she’s quit yelling and making a fool of herself.” But no, she left my brothers and Blu in the car with Carol and came right back, only now she was yelling “Buppy.” It was my moment of glory, as I pretended not to hear her and focused on the ducks as about six other women started calling my name from the shore. One woman called her vet to ask what to do. Another one called the Humane Society. Mommis would not have wanted her to do that; they could take me away and put me in foster care.

Mommis logged about 7500 steps — nearly three miles — just running around the lake yelling Buppy. I felt so popular and so wanted. But I realized we had already been at the park for two hours, so I decided to do her a favor and come out. Of course she must have thought I’d drown, because she had borrowed some treats from another person and immediately rewarded me for coming out with a treat.

Everyone thought I’d be exhausted, and sleep all day. I’m not, but looking at Mommis closely, I think she is. And how come she didn’t take us for a bath????? I smell. I hope that’s coming tomorrow.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s